


Smoke In My Lungs

by himchanscutiebooty



Category: B.A.P, K-pop
Genre: Angst, Character Death, Illness, Lung Cancer, M/M, Romance, bang yongguk - Freeform, banghim, jung hana - Freeform, kim himchan - Freeform, secret, song jieun - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-03-03
Updated: 2015-03-02
Packaged: 2018-03-16 03:05:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,903
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3472103
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/himchanscutiebooty/pseuds/himchanscutiebooty
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Okay, so, this really isn’t easy to say but I figured this was the best time to say it since everyone was all gathered here.”</p><p>“So when’s the baby coming?” Junhong joked and everyone laughed but I just glanced around the room, my face stoic, and everyone fell silent again.</p><p>I took a deep breath and tried not to look into anyone’s eyes directly, my gaze constantly bouncing from the chair to the wall to someone’s pants to the chip bowl on the ground back to the chair.</p><p>“I’ve been diagnosed with terminal lung cancer.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. one

I wasn’t exactly nervous. Maybe I should have been but I wasn’t. I already played out the situation in my mind and what everyone’s reactions may be whether they are sad, shocked, confused, or angry, etc. I was surprisingly calm, no anxiety making my hands shake or make my stomach queasy. 

When I got to Daehyun’s house I pulled him aside and asked, “Hey, could I make an announcement at the end of the party?” 

“Yea sure, no problem,” he smiled and went to sit on the couch next to Jieun. 

This party was like all our other parties. We talked, we ate and like all high schoolers, we decided to play a game. Youngjae pulled out “Cards Against Humanity” though, so we were entertained for an hour with our immature minds (for the record, I got second; Sunhwa beat me by one card). 

Eventually, like the children we are, we decided to play Truth or Dare which always ends up being really fun. Junhong had to tell us his dick size (a whopping seven and a quarter inches; damn: I made a mental note), and then Daehyun was dared to make out with me for ten seconds. I didn’t object, I didn’t really care who I kissed among our friend group. He was a little hesitant at first but once our lips actually touched he was all over me. We had a stopwatch going but after the four second mark everyone was just staring at how our tongues were tangling and our lips were making crude noises. Eventually we stopped when we ran out of breath and we realized that we’d been making out for longer than ten seconds. I was pleasantly surprised. Daehyun has nice full lips and that boy is talented. 

Next Hyosung was dared to take off her shirt and everyone would be lying if they said they never wanted to see her boobs without a shirt on. Taking off her bra was a little much, especially since there were six boys in the room but she stood up and kept stalling in the corner, giggling and being shy. Eventually Hana stood up and said that if she took off her shirt first then Hyosung had to do it. She did, quickly pulling her shirt over her head and we stared until we saw Hyosung take off her’s. Damn. Like…damn. She’s got some nice boobs. I was jealous of whoever would be her future husband. 

Then we got Junhong to strip. Which turned out very badly considering he couldn’t get his shirt off. He didn’t unbutton the cuffs on his shirt so he was awkwardly pulling it off. He also wore a shirt underneath so we didn’t get instant skin. Also, like Hyosung, he started stalling and walked into the corner. Finally he came out of his hiding spot and he was shirtless. His torso was quite pale and he didn’t have abs like Jongup or Yongguk or arms like Daehyun but he was still toned. He got embarrassed quickly and put his shirt back on then put on his button up and started getting dress again. 

Yongguk walked back in after going outside for a quick cigarette break (oh how much I wanted to join him and not just because I wanted Yongguk’s company but because I was dying for a smoke) and saw a red Junhong buttoning his shirt back up. He sighed and threw his hands up, disappointed, “I missed him stripping?” Everyone laughed.

Jieun suggested that Jongup show him how it’s done and he got up without any complaints. Whether you were straight or bi or gay, seeing Jongup strip would be one of the best sights of your short life. He also wore a button up shirt and he seductively undid each button. He swayed his hips too, to some music that was only in his head. When he got to the last button he pulled the rest of his tucked in shirt out of his pants and let it fall off his body. I was sitting next to Hyosung and I leaned over and whispered into her ear, “Would it be bad if I was turned-on by this?” She giggled then whispered back, “Nah, cause I am, too.”

Jongup was five feet of tanned, toned skin. His abs were defined and his “moontos” were still as prominent as ever. He said he hadn’t been working out that often anymore but damn that body is still hot. Yongguk whistled and then everyone started making catcalls while Jongup was rolling his hips sinfully. He laughed then stopped, bowing while everyone clapped. He started putting his clothes back on and after that conversations drifted.

I eventually got off the couch to join Jieun, Hyosung and Youngjae on the floor. Yongguk joined us a little bit later and sat next to me. Our legs were brushing and god, just having him close made my day just a little better. Jieun was playing with an empty soda bottle then said, “You wanna know what I’ve never done? I’ve never played spin the bottle,” she then perked up and put the bottle in the middle of the little circle we made. “Let’s play!” 

We all laughed at her but eventually decided for it. Jieun was about to spin the bottle but then looked up at Youngjae, “Shouldn’t you ask Daehyun if it’s alright if we play?” 

Youngjae nodded, “Yea, I guess.” He looked over to Daehyun who was sitting closest to him on the couch and talking with Sunhwa. “Hey, Dae, can I play spin the bottle with them?” 

Daehyun looked down at his boyfriend, “Yea, sure. Just no tongue.” He playfully added but it somewhat sounded threatening. 

Jieun then spun the bottle and it landed on Hyosung. She looked to her right to the girl sitting next to her and said “hey baby, come here” in a low voice then leaned in and pecked her on the lips. It was kind of hot, you know, seeing two of your girl friends kiss in front of you.

Hyosung then spun and it landed on myself. If I said I never thought of kissing her or touching her then that would be a lie. She was diagonally from me so she crawled over, her cleavage making more of an appearance than it already was in her low cut top, and I met her halfway, leaning up to make our lips meet. Her lips weren’t as plump or big as Daehyun’s or Yongguk’s but they were soft and there were no cracks and it was nice (there was no spark or anything, it was just nice). Although if we kept going then things could have definitely got a little heated.

Then I spun the bottle and while it was going around and around I prayed to the lord and heaven above that it would land on Yongguk. Let this world at least give me something good in my life. And it seemed my prayers worked because it landed in between him and myself (more towards myself, but still in the middle). Youngjae hit my knee hard with his own as a little encouragement (kind of like a “go get ‘em tiger”) but all I did was stare at the bottle. Yongguk put his hand on my thigh and leaned into my ear. “You don’t have to if you don’t want to,” he whispered lowly into my ear. He then faced me and, instead of replying I leaned in and made his lips meet with mine. He was caught off guard but leaned in eagerly afterward. His lips were soft and plush (and they didn’t taste like anything. I always read in books that people’s lips taste like something and they really don’t unless you kiss them while they’re in the middle of eating. They just taste warm. Although Yongguk did taste a little bit of tobacco but that’s quite a strong taste) and oh god, if I could’ve just done that the entire night then I wouldn’t have minded. But this was a game and everyone else’s kisses were pretty short so I pulled away after only two or so seconds and I regretted it immediately after.

I looked to Youngjae and he wiggled his eyebrows at me and I would have punched him if I could but then it would have seemed too obvious. Yongguk then spun and landed on Youngjae; they shared a brief kiss much to my dismay (it may have been brief but any mouth that wasn’t mine on Yongguk’s upset me), and we continued the game. A couple more kisses were shared before we stopped and just talked and laughed and eventually the time passed and it was already midnight. 

When Daehyun was telling everyone that they would have to leave soon or his parents would beat his ass, I went over to him and asked, “May I?” and he nodded and stood up, “Okay, listen up! Himchan’s got something important to say.” He sat back down and Himchan stood up and all eyes were on him.

“Okay, so, this really isn’t easy to say but I figured this was the best time to say it since everyone was all gathered here.” 

“So when’s the baby coming?” Junhong joked and everyone laughed but I just glanced around the room, my face stoic, and everyone fell silent again. 

I took a deep breath and tried not to look into anyone’s eyes directly, my gaze constantly bouncing from the chair to the wall to someone’s pants to the chip bowl on the ground back to the chair. 

“I’ve been diagnosed with terminal lung cancer.”

The silence after I said that one sentence was deadly. Jongup was the first to break it by getting up and sprinting to the bathroom. We heard the door slam and him emptying the contents of his stomach into the toilet bowl. I felt bad but how should I know he would react like that? 

I didn’t want to look at anyone so I just stared at the ground, “I’ve decided to not undergo treatment because my death is inevitable and I don’t want to prolong it. I would be wasting my parent’s money and I don’t want to do that when I’m going to die anyway.” That’s what got some attention. 

Daehyun shot up, his face had been shocked up until the moment before and now he was fully enraged. He came up to me and grabbed the collar of my shirt and pulled my face until it was two inches away from his own, “How long have you known this, huh? How long have you known that you were going to leave us? To not even help your fucking self and just fall off the face of the fucking earth?” Daehyun spat into my face. I don’t know why he was so angry. It’s not like I asked for this (well, I kind of did but he didn’t need to know that). 

I didn’t flinch and didn’t let him scare me. I answered back calmly, “I’ve known for about two or so weeks. I was waiting until I could get all of us together so I wouldn’t have to go from person to person.” This only seemed to enrage him more.

“Weeks? You’ve known for weeks and now you’re telling us?” He yelled. I saw Sunhwa get up and try to pull him away but he shrugged her off. 

I was starting to lose my patience, “You think this is easy for me? I’m going to die in who knows how long! I’m going to start coughing up blood! I’m going to have to feel a pain you’ll never feel! I don’t get to live my life like I’ve always wanted.” Daehyun didn’t interrupt me but still held my collar tightly. “We all seem to have shit lives except for you. I’m going to die in a couple months, Jongup’s father died of cancer when he was ten which is why he’s puking his guts out right now, Hana’s family is almost poor, Yongguk was kicked out of his house, would you like me to go on?” My voice got lower as I spoke and I think the girls were more scared of me than Daehyun.

He let go of my collar and pushed me back, “You think my life is perfect? I-“

“No ones life is perfect, Daehyun. Everyone has shit that happens but please enlighten me with something that can compare to what living hell the rest of our lives are.” I could see Daehyun shaking with rage. I really didn’t understand why he was so upset. He’ll get over it soon.

“Get out.”

This shocked me, “Fine,” I said firmly, “I was going to leave anyway.”

I turned to Junhong who was sitting on the couch right next to me and watched as tears silently fell down his unblemished cheeks. I smiled sadly, “Could you go check on Jongup for me? And tell him that I’ll call him later?” 

Junhong stood up and stretched his long arms around my shoulders, burying his face in my neck. I wrapped my arms around his waist reassuringly and we stayed like that for a few seconds, the room silent except for one of the girls’ quiet sobs (I imagined it was Sunhwa as I knew she had some feelings for me but I couldn’t be sure since I wasn’t facing them). He mumbled into my neck, “I love you” and I whispered it back, ruffling his hair. He then let go, bowed his head then went off to the bathroom, making sure Jongup wasn’t passed out. 

I grabbed my coat, took one last glance as Daehyun whose face was still miffed, yet I saw his eyes were threatening to spill over, his fists clenched at his sides, then spun on my heel and left. If I wasn’t wanted I wasn’t going to stay.

I went out the side door and shoved my hands into my coat pockets, the cold instantly surrounding me. Yongguk had driven me here but now I had to walk home which I really didn’t want to do but I didn’t really have another choice and I wasn’t going to be an asshole and make Yongguk drive me home this instant if he didn’t want to go home yet. 

I felt the comforting rectangular box in my pocket and dug deeper into my pocket, making sure I had a lighter with me as well. I just need to get to the park. Just a few minute walk and I’d be okay. 

By the time my foot steps onto the familiar grass of the park there’s a cigarette between my lips and the lighter is at the butt, creating a orange hue at the end of the stick. I took a deep breath, the familiar taste of tobacco filling my mouth and smoke entering my body and filling my lungs. I smile and open my mouth, blowing the smoke out of me and into the winter air. The smoke could easily be mistaken for my cold breath. 

I heard a car door slam in the street behind me and I knew who it was. I knew I’d get the riot act read to me but surprisingly he didn’t say anything as he approached. He sat down on the opposite side of the bench I was sitting on and lit his own cigarette. 

“When I was young I had lung cancer.” I don’t know what made me say it but I said it. I never told anyone, he was the first to know. “It was a caught early so the tumor was small and removed easily. I didn’t have to go through chemo or anything but it still sucked: being six years old and having cancer.

“I guess it’s not really surprising that it came back. I smoke almost a pack a week; my lungs are probably as black as my hair. I begged the doctor to not tell my parents it was because I smoke. He reluctantly agreed, although he’ll probably tell them when I’m gone. I guess now I don’t even smoke because I’m addicted. I just want to speed up the process.” I stomped out my cigarette on the pathway. 

Yongguk still sat motionless beside me, his cigarette burning between his teeth. 

“Could I not read you the riot act but say I did?”

I scoffed, “I don’t want your pity, Yongguk.”

“So do you want me to read you the riot act?”

“No, but I don’t want your pity either,” I turned to him. 

Yongguk took a deep breath, “So what are you going to do now?”

I shrugged, “I’m dropping out. We only have one more semester to go anyway. I’m not going to spend my last couple of months in school learning shit that’ll go to waste.”

“Really?” Yongguk stomped out his cigarette and nuzzled into his jacket, “Me too.”

My eyes widened. No, Yongguk had so much going for him. He couldn’t drop out. Not when we only had one semester left. “Guk, no. You have a couple months left. You’re going to finish even if I have to drag you to your classes by your hair.”

He ran his fingers through his hair. It had gotten pretty long, his bangs always in his face if he didn’t bother styling his hair that day (which was mostly everyday, to be honest). “I got a record deal, Chan. They want me to help produce and if all goes well then I could permanently stay there.”

I leapt onto his body and hugged him close to me, not just because I felt needy at that moment but also because I was so happy for him. He could do what he loved for the rest of his life, no worries. “Oh my god, I’m so happy for you! This is a great opportunity and you better not pass it up.”

“Don’t worry, I won’t.” Yongguk hugged back, tightening his grasp on me and it felt nice. I knew one of his biggest secrets: the big, tough, scary Bang Yongguk was a hugger. I nuzzled into his neck and let my hot breath suffocate me. I never wanted to let go. 

I didn’t want to think about my stupid cancer. Or stupid school. Or his great record deal that could have him happy for the rest of his life. I didn’t want to die in the next couple months. As much as I thought I did, I really didn’t. I’m only 23 and I have yet to really experience the world. I’ve never been out of the country. Hell, I’ve barely been out of the state. I’ve only been to Disney World once when I was barely old enough to remember it. I want to experience the world.

“I want to live.” I whispered into his neck, the smell of tobacco surrounding us while the cold air makes our cheeks red. 

“Then let’s live.”


	2. two

The next thing I knew, I was sitting in the front seat of Yongguk’s ‘73 Ford Mercury Cougar. Its interior was shit (Yongguk still hadn’t had the seats reupholstered) and the heat barely worked in the biting cold. There were two huge duffel bags filled with clothes and other necessities in the back seat of the car. It kind of felt like we were running away from home. We were college kids, with our own jobs, and own apartments. School was over for the semester so we could technically do anything we wanted, really. But still, leaving in the middle of the night so suddenly and not telling anyone where we were going was different. We didn’t know where we were going, just somewhere. Anywhere to make these last few months worth something. 

Yongguk drove down Route 17 in an aimlessly. Not knowing where we were going. All we knew was that we were going south. 

Yongguk turned on the radio to a station that played older songs and from the soft beat of the music to the lull of the engine, my eyes started to droop and my vision became black as my head hit the back of the seat and sleep overcame me. 

 

Yongguk woke me by shaking my shoulders and repeating my name like a mantra. His own eyelids were drooping and by the state of the sky I’d guess it was early morning. He’d probably been driving for hours but I was more concerned on why he was waking me and where the fuck we were than his tiredness. 

I rubbed my face and almost knocked my glasses off my face in the process. I tried to stretch in the small space of his car but gave up when my feet wouldn’t go any farther and my knees were still bent. 

“Where are we?” I asked, my voice groggy and rougher than usual. 

“Maryland,” he signaled for me to get out of the car so I did. He opened the truck and grabbed his bag and I did the same. After locking the car, I followed him out of the small parking lot we were in to the entrance of a motel. 

“It’s early. I’m tired. So I got us a room.” He said while dragging his feet, glancing at the key he had in his hand to each door number we passed. 

He stopped in front of a white door with the number 34 stickered onto the surface. He unlocked the door and immediately threw his bag inside and toed off his shoes. He threw off his jacket and plopped on the bed.

The place was small but nice; chair in the corner by the door, right next to the AC. There was a bathroom at the far end of the room and a TV at the foot of the bed, which I didn’t fail to notice was a queen sized. And there was only one of them. Which meant that Yongguk and I would be sharing a bed. Fuck.

Yongguk was starting to take off his jeans by the time I had put down my stuff and was also getting ready for more sleep. “I got us a single bed since it was cheaper and we’ve slept together before so I didn’t think it’d matter.” He looked up at me for confirmation that he was correct but I was too busy thinking of how close we’d be in a matter of minutes.

I nodded and bent down to untie my shoes, hiding my slightly red face with my hair, “Yea, it’s fine. I don’t mind.”

Yongguk muttered a “cool” before I heard him getting into bed. I took as long as I could untying my shoes and taking off my jacket before I realized that I still wanted to sleep too and would have to get into bed with him. I debated for a while whether or not I should take my jeans off before I realized that sleeping in jeans is the most uncomfortable thing in the world. I slid my jeans off and folded them neatly before finally climbing gently into bed in case Yongguk was already sleeping. 

I stayed as far from him as possible yet not so much that I was going to fall off the bed if I accidently rolled over. If I moved my foot a couple inches I would probably hit his own feet. Fuck, why did I decide this was a good idea?

I felt Yongguk shift in the bed and my back went from cold to hot within seconds. Yongguk had moved halfway across the bed and was basically snuggled up at my back. My whole body went warm from embarrassment and I wondered how on earth I’d be able to sleep. 

 

When I awoke, my legs were freezing and my upper body was trapped, unable to move. The warmth that engulfed me was too comforting though so I didn’t bother moving (I knew if I opened my eyes Yongguk would be centimeters from my face and I didn’t want to face that). Instead I lay there, enjoying having Yongguk’s bare chest against mine, and breathing in his scent (he always smelt faintl3y of tobacco but there was something there that was always just him and I wanted to bottle it up and keep it forever). 

I could have been an hour or it could have been twenty minutes (it’s hard to keep track of time when sleeping) but eventually Yongguk had awoken and groaned, taking his arm that was wrapped around my torso and stretching it above his head until his joints cracked from the long sleep. I then finally opened my eyes and watched the large expanse of slightly tanned skin move about to get comfortable. I rolled my ankle and yawned, muttering a shy “good morning” to him. He rolled over and smiled at me lazily and muttered back a “morning” of his own.

I let Yongguk get comfortable on the bed but when his eyes were starting to slip close I spoke up so that he wouldn’t fall asleep again, “Hey. So why are we here?” My voice was barely audible, as it didn’t feel like working this morning. 

Yongguk hummed and opened his eyes back up, “Well while you were enjoying your nap I was thinking of where we could go so I decided we could be tourists for a day. We’re at D.C. so we’re gunna go explore and shit. Ya know, go see the monuments and stuff.” He then rolled onto his back and started kicking the covers away from him instead of just sitting up and removing them off of himself like most people would. He mumbled something about a shower then slumped over to the bathroom and I soon heard the shower turning on. 

I sighed and rolled over, shoving my hand under my pillow searching for my phone but then realizing that I wasn’t home and my phone wouldn’t be there. I begrudgingly got out of bed and collected my jeans from the floor, getting my phone out of the front pocket. Sitting back down on the bed I realized that I had multiple missed calls and texts from variations of people. 

5 Missed Calls  
2 Voicemails  
7 Unread Messages

I deleted the voicemails and started to read through the texts. Most were from Daehyun but Jongup had sent two and so had Hyosung.

From: Jonguppie  
Hyung… I love you so much, I never got to tell my father that. I love you, you were always there for me when I needed you. You are one of the best hyungs I’ll ever have and although I don’t really like you decision I guess I have to accept it because there’s not changing your stubborn mind. I love you, Himchannie hyung, never forget that.

From: Jonguppie  
Please call me when you can, okay?

From: Daebutt  
Himchan, I’m sorry

From: Daebutt  
Himchan, please, you’re one of my best friends and I wouldn’t even be dating Youngjae if it weren’t for you, please answer

From: Daebutt  
I made a mistake, please, hyung

From: Daebutt  
Please, I love you, I love you as much as a friend could. You’re fucking amazing and handsome as fuck and oh god I’m sorry Himchan, that was selfish of me and I’m stupid I know, please answer me

From: Hyosung  
Please answer Daehyun. He’s hysterical crying and I don’t know what to do. He made a mistake but he loves you, he really does  
I love you too, Himchan <3

My lips started to quiver and I could feel the lump in my throat forming. No. I told myself I wouldn’t cry and I wouldn’t let people feel sorry for me. But there’s no way that I could control their emotions so I guess their pity and sorrow can’t be helped.

To: Jonguppie  
I love you too. I’m going on a trip with Yonnguk. Don’t worry, I’m in good hands.

To: Daebutt  
It’s fine, I forgive you. I was never really mad in the first place. I love you too. I’m on a trip with Yonnguk so I’m in good hands.

I swallowed my tears as I typed and sent each message, both containing similar words. There was nothing to say. I didn’t want to tell them false promises of “I’ll see you soon” or “I’ll be fine”. Because who knows if I’ll see anyone besides Yonnguk again. I could wake up dead tomorrow morning. And there’s one thing for certain; I am definitely not fine.


	3. three

Yongguk said exactly what he said we’d do. We went to go see all the museums and monuments and statues and honestly it was a blast. I thought it’d be a boring history lesson but I was wrong as Yongguk would make jokes or we’d take funny pictures of each other doing less then appropriate things with statues or paintings. At one point we tried tagging along to a tour group but then realized we didn’t care about the history of our founding fathers or whatever the fuck they were discussing. At one point, he suggested that we act as though we are tourists from Korea. We went up to someone and with broken English and the thickest accents we could manage and tried to ask where the Lincoln Memorial was. The look on our faces as this person started speaking almost perfect Korean to us must have been priceless. Our little prank failed but we probably laughed for about five full minutes afterward.

We decided to end our day at the Vietnam Memorial Wall. The park was almost empty on the brisk day and the lights that lined the wall on the ground reflected beautifully off the black marble engraved wall. The wall stretched from the Lincoln Memorial to the World War II Memorial on the other side of the Reflecting Pool. 

It gave me chills reading all the names that lined every inch of the wall and I could tell it touched Yongguk as well. The guy loved war movies but he always ends crying at the end even if the story isn’t a sad one. He’s a real big softy at heart behind his mean looking face. 

He sat down on the ground closest to the grass as he possibly could, legs crossed as he leaned back at his hands. I paced back and forth the same five feet of wall, reading a new name every chance my eyes would land on one. We sat in silence except for the traffic nearby and a fountain gushing somewhere.

“You know,” I started, breaking our comfortable peace, “my dad was in ‘Nam.” I looked to Yongguk and he had an eyebrow raised. “Yea, back in the seventies my dad was all hippie dippy and shit. You know, long hair, peace and love? That crap. My grandpa asked if he wanted a job for the summer so of course my dad would say yes. Any chance for money is a chance anyone would take.” I chuckled. It’s stupid but it makes me laugh every time I think about it. “He was shipped off on a oil ship three days after school ended.”

I looked toward Yongguk who had a small smile on his face but obviously did not think it was as funny as I thought it was. My father who was against the war was sent to go support and work for it. “He worked on that ship for three months and then had to go back to school once summer was over. Now he insists that he’s a veteran and that I should “respect and honor” him on Veterans Day. He gets discounts and shit but he’s just milking it.” Yongguk snorted. Well, at least it’s some sort of reaction.

I sat down next to him, our thigh touching and leaned my head on his shoulder, not caring about my pink cheeks. I could pass it off as the biting cold if he comments anyway. I could feel my chest start to cave in and it was hard to breathe but I bore with it. I didn’t want Yongguk to worry; I didn’t want to be rushed to a hospital. I wanted to slowly wither and be with my best friend and spend that last few months of my life as best as I possibly could. 

He wrapped a firm hand around my waist and pulled me closer, nuzzling his cheek into my hair. I could die peacefully at this moment and I would have only a handful of regrets.

.

We had dinner at Five Guys, their burgers caked with grease but it filled our stomachs and it was fucking delicious so fuck dieting and calorie counting. Not wanting to spend our money too quick, in case something we wanted to do cost a lot of money we decided to head back to the motel then start out again tomorrow morning off to who knows where. 

Yongguk let me shower first and I immediately jumped into the scalding water, letting it burn my frozen body for a few minutes before I actually started to wash myself. An itchiness bubbled in my throat so I cleared my throat then started to cough. After one cough I couldn’t stop and eventually I was almost hacking onto the shower floor and Yongguk even knocked asking if I was all right. I swallowed the need to cough more and said I was fine; that I just choked on some water is all. I spit, mucus filling my mouth only to find a slightly pinkish concoction come out of me. I was slightly alarmed but not at all frightened. I knew I was ending. This was just the beginning. 

I finished showering and then Yongguk went in after me. I was going through facebook on my phone when he came out in only his boxer briefs. This man was trying to kill me. He hopped into bed next to me and before he turned off the only bedside light he turned to me and asked, “You going to bed yet?” 

I sighed and nodded, my wet hair getting into my eyes. I turned off my phone and shoved it under my pillow and he turned off the light. Last night Yongguk had embraced me and I wanted to return the favor. Not to mention that I really needed it and the spooning could have definitely been just how Yongguk moved while he slept. Yongguk was in no way asleep now; he’d been an insomniac for most of his life. 

Putting my feeling aside I rolled over to find him facing my way rather than facing the wall on the other side. I scooted closer and closer until my face was buried in his chest and my arm around his waist. He immediately draped his own arm around my waist and situated his other arm so that I was using it as a pillow (a fucking rock hard pillow at that). I mumbled a thank you into his tan skin, hoping that he’d hear it but not brave enough to speak louder. He hummed, “And why is that?”

I bit my lip, “You know… everything.”

He chuckled and his chest rumbled and I think I felt a small kiss on the top of my head, “Go to sleep, Channie.”

That’s what I did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just posted the 3 chapters I have done so far and I don't have any more written besides two other scenes. Might take awhile for the next chapter...I'm such a slacker ;;


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